


Pull The Blackout Curtains Down

by LynxMadrid



Series: Musical Logan [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Author Projecting onto Logic | Logan Sanders, Author is a Represso Depresso Espresso, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Is A Good Friend, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Sweetheart, Logan is a Represso Depresso Espresso, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, M/M, Sad Logic | Logan Sanders, Unsympathetic Light Sides (Sanders Sides), Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, but not really, no beta we die like logan's feelings, so glad that's a tag, the gifted kid burnout is fricking REAL, they're just oblivious to how much logan is suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29003178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynxMadrid/pseuds/LynxMadrid
Summary: **And Roman leaves, like everyone does once they have what they need from Logan. But it’s whatever, and Logan doesn’t care. Logan doesn’t care about anything except the wellbeing of Thomas.****And maybe it's this last thought that finally breaks him, because he breaks down**In which Logan has a secret playlist, a song causes him to break down, and Remus is there to pick up the pieces.Intrulogical will be there. Eventually. And Logan will work through his issues. Eventually. But first, he's going through some angst because I need to process some feelings.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Musical Logan [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2127717
Comments: 17
Kudos: 55





	Pull The Blackout Curtains Down

Logan looks right and left, up and down, and he makes sure there are absolutely no one else. No one can see this. Absolutely no one. He looks down and sees a piece of wood flooring that is out of place. He walks towards it and finding it loose he lifts it up to find Remus.

  
  


“Remus. How long have you been here?” Logan asks. He doesn’t mean to be so curt. He doesn’t hate the more chaotic side, as others do. Remus’ arrival gave him a chance to shine - to show who he is and what he can do, and he doesn’t normally get a chance to show people his abilities. Thomas even called him cool! But of course, Thomas went back to ignoring him the very next day, but his fondness for the forbidden twin of Roman never stopped. 

“Chill, pocket protector. I just popped up here. I’ve been building tunnels to everybody’s rooms. More opportunities to scare them, ya know?” Remus said, a maniacal grin on his face.

Logan takes off his glasses, and rubs his forehead. “I don’t mean to be rude, but would you mind leaving please? I’m tired.” He says, as kindly as humanly possible.

Remus - miracle upon miracles - leaves. 

“If you need anything, please ask,” Remus says in a very kind way. Odd, but Logan really doesn’t care at this point.

Logan checks for people again but he finds none. He sits on his bed, wills his room to be soundproof, and puts on his playlist. His secret playlist. Not his singular playlist on his public channel, which Thomas had forced him to compile “for the fans!”. He had complained, of course but he did it in the end. This was not that playlist. No, this playlist contained songs that were unbecoming of the logical side. A guilty pleasure.

He presses shuffle, and reads a book. He hides his black earbuds under his shirt, and, and lifts the collar, so if someone barged in (a not uncommon occurrence in the mindscape), they wouldn’t see the earbuds. Because then they would  _ see  _ and that’s not something Logan is willing to risk. So he sinks into his armchair and puts his book up high, and starts his routine.

Bad Romance, covered by Halestorm.

House of Memories, from Panic! At the Disco.

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, from Fall out Boy.

Check for people.

Teenagers, from My Chemical Romance.

Welcome to the Black Parade, from My Chemical Romance.

Victorious, from Panic! At the Disco.

Check for people.

At this point, it’s a little bit later and Roman barges in. Logan quickly lifts his book up, swipes the earbuds so you can only see them if you look really closely, which Roman is not, and then answers him.

“What do you need, Roman?” Logan says, trying to be as calm as he can be.

He obviously failed, because Roman looks a little sheepish and says “Umm, Patton just wanted to tell you that dinner is ready.”

“I’m not hungry.”

And Roman leaves, like everyone does once they have what they need from Logan. But it’s whatever, and Logan doesn’t care. Logan doesn’t care about anything except the wellbeing of Thomas.

He completes his cycle a couple more times until the song comes up. He doesn’t know why he hasn’t deleted it from his playlist already but it doesn’t matter. The memories already are welling up, no matter how hard he tries to push them down.

Immortals, from Fall out Boy.

It brings up memories of the Q&A.

It brings up memories of the descent of his influence.

It brings up memories of the end of his personality.

For all his talk of his repression he sure does a lot of it.

He vaguely remembers when he didn’t have to hide the music he likes and his interests.

And maybe it's this last thought that finally breaks him, because he breaks down. He curls up in a fetal position that is definitely not good for his spine but that’s the farthest thing from his mind as he finally lets it all out. 

Every rejection, every brush-off, every time he was just trying to be helpful - just trying to do his job just came out. This sheer feeling of desperation, of neediness, of just wanting to be heard and helpful. And it’s not working, but it’s costing everything and he doesn’t know how long he can keep going. 

He’s just a slave to his work schedule, and he’s a slave to his work ethic, and the options are either failure or complete emotionlessness. And he chose the last one but it’s not working and nothing is working and he’s eventually going to die like this, working and working and working and he’s so  _ tired.  _

He’s so tired because he feels emotion and he has bodily functions too but he can’t because he’s Logic. He has to be a robot, but he’s not and it’s not enough. Nothing is enough. They will always need more. They need more than him. But he’s already giving everything that he has and he can’t give anymore. They deserve more than him, his tired self. 

And he’s failing - but failure is not an option, failure is never an option but it’s the only option he has because he doesn’t know what else to do. Because Thomas doesn’t listen to him and he’s tried literally everything. And he’s ending up ok either way so do they actually need him?

And he doesn’t know how long he stays there ugly crying, his forbidden playlist in the background.

He vaguely hears pounding but he assumes it's just his head, but it obviously wasn’t because suddenly Remus barges in. Panic kicks in and he sweeps his earbuds to his back.

“Hey teach! Sorry to barge in but I was knocking and you weren- WOAH!” Remus says, interrupting himself.

He sniffles a bit and then says “Salutations Remus. I hope you are having a good night.”

Remus, instead of answering the question, asks something Logan didn’t expect. “Do you want a hug?” You see, Logan had become quite good at crying in secret. This wasn’t the first time he had broken down, but he still had duties. So he learned to stagger his breathing so the others wouldn’t notice his sobs, and learned to put cold water on his eyes so the redness would leave faster. He can’t remember the last time anyone had noticed he was crying - much less the last time he had been hugged. After all, he was the logical side. Hugging was beneath him. But he missed hugs, and he missed being comforted.

“Yes please.” Logan says, nodding shakily. And Remus bounds across the room, folding Logan in his warm hands. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus asked. Logan just buried himself in Remus’ shirt, and shook his head vehemently.

So the two sides stayed there, outcasts in their own community and in their own minds.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Immortals (duh)
> 
> If you comment, you are my favorite person.


End file.
